My husband is a murderer.

He killed my pet.

My adorable, wonderful, useful, punctual pet.

And he did so intentionally and with malice.

I had a pet spider. It was an awesome spider. I know that some of you are squeamish about spiders and I will try to respect that by not posting a picture of my spider.


That ^^ isn't my spider, so it's all good. I wouldn't want to freak Tami out because, you see, I care about her so much.


Anyway, my spider was awesome. Every evening he would come out and build a web on the outside of my screen door under the porch light. And he would sit there all night catching the annoying little bugs that would wander onto my porch. I was un-bugged and i was happy.
Taryn and I spent about 20 minutes one day watching from inside as he spun his web. It was really fascinating.

And then, every morning, my spider would be gone. He cleaned up his web and went away for the day, returning nightly to keep pesky bugs away from my porch.

And then...

Chris killed him. MURDERED him. Intentionally. Purposefully. In cold blood and with no remorse.

I was sad :(


And now... do you know what happened?

A truly horrific mutant spider with spikes has taken up residence on my door. Spikes!! Can you believe that shit?!?

It looks like a mutated crab/scorpion/spider lovechild and it is appalling.

And do you know what ELSE has happened?

It has all allowed me to make this ridiculous post that will totally have Tami's skin crawling for the rest of the day :)

The end.

True story, though. Really.